A working woman
by Naseer Ahmed
How should I start? Perhaps, I should start from the things I dislike most and the things I fear most. I had to go through all those advances and passes, innuendos, double-entendres, cheap jokes and plain indecency just for the money I have to earn in order to bring the food on the table for my children. And this is not only work thing, it is a life story. Sometimes, it even goes worse. And when it comes to bad things, our city has no limits, a limitless sprawl of abuse where it is real difficult to organise your thoughts, feelings and deeds.
This perpetual abuse does not give me a moment to stop and think. Mostly, I am busy in saving myself from my vulnerabilities, the vulnerabilities of being a woman, the vulnerabilities of being a poor woman and the vulnerabilities of being a working woman. The vulnerabilities that grind me down to a point where I cannot figure out which is which and who is who, including myself. As a consequence I don’t know whether I am living or I am dying.
I dislike my vulnerabilities. Sometimes, I imagine myself as a man but then I know I would end up being a man like you, a good man, a man I love to wear on me, a man I am proud of being with, a man I think God has sent to liberate me, a man they don’t make anymore, a man I don’t understand and a man who does not belong, a stranger with no name but a vulnerable man who I have to protect. I say so many things to you because you are my hero and I know very well my God, the most merciful and the most beneficent would forgive you for not having the religious capabilities.
I have those religious capabilities. Sometimes, I think it is just a woman thing to enjoy the pleasure of worship, the pleasure of thanking God for the food I work for and the pleasure of having wonderful children and the pleasure of imagining a wonderful future for them. Don’t laugh please, don’t say anything, just listen, I know you don’t understand what I am about and don’t try to confuse me with your educated reasoning. What I am saying is connected to my soul, a soul I managed to save in spite of my life. Don’t believe my take on things but don’t disrespect it. And like you say we all have our experiences and my experiences lead me to a path where I am united to myself.
Ah, you are not happy in my pleasure zone because you have to disagree for some reason. Ok, I drop it and I tell you something you are interested and that is my life in the city. Anyway, you should not dismiss my inner reality because like you say, it could be a response to the outer facts. That is your area of interest, I guess.
Anyway, I am sorry if I have judged you a bit harshly but I really don’t understand you. I just enjoy and cherish you as a wonderful person and I thank my good luck and my God for having you in my life. Apart from my parents, my children you are the only good thing that happened to me.
Frankly, in spite of all that, I don’t want to be a vulnerable man like you. I have experienced this life long journey of moving from vulnerability to vulnerability and suffering pain and sorrow. I try to imagine myself as a rich and powerful man, a bit like my best friends’ husband. It fills me with disgusts and repulsion. I don’t want to be that kind of man either. Perhaps, I have to keep myself happy as a poor working woman.
There might be some better versions of rich and powerful men but sadly I have not come across them. Whenever I come across a rich and powerful man, there is a war between me and him, I struggling for survival and that man trying to dominate me with his power and wealth. There is a price I have to pay for accepting a loser’s domination, the price I don’t want to pay and the price I don’t pay. The losers fail to dominate me and call me names and I survive congratulating myself for being a friend of the best man in the city. Before you, I lost my wars and since I have not lost any war of mine.
I know someday, you would go the way strangers always go leaving somebody like me wondering what I have done to deserve that, crying and trying to smile in order to keep you happy for all the wrong decisions you made in your life. But that day has not come as yet. But you are a stranger and movie or life strangers have to go and I am a cultivator and movie or life, the cultivators, (you call us breeders) have to stay to build their lives and their cities.
I just wish wherever you go a better and a happier life welcomes you in a way that you don’t miss me at all. That is what love is .Sometimes, I think it is not your cup of tea and sometimes, I think you are an ocean of love. I really don’t know you in spite of all your honesty and truthfulness .Perhaps; it takes a long time to get used to the good side of life when you have not experienced it much.
Oh my, I think I can’t delay this uncomfortable zone of my experiences with the bad side of life. I have to tell you because I want them to know what they are doing to us.
Let us start with the owner of the house I rent. I pay my rent regularly and on time. But for some reason, he thinks being a single mother with two young children means I am an easy woman. Otherwise, my marriage would have worked. And women like me do not deserve the social respect the married women deserve. That is his line of reasoning. He feels morally justified to treat me as his personal property. He does not hesitate to ask me for sex in return for a bit of reduction in the rent.
I am confidant woman and I have seen world and I know how to deal with such trash but I also know he has no right to be indecent and unkind to me. I sort out all his advances but I don’t have any support from the state and the society to stop him.
Once, another woman being blackmailed by some low life came to me for help. I made a phone call to a police officer I came across during my work. The police officer wanted to have a price for his help from her. That means an attempt to redress is actually exacerbates the problem.
Then, there is a boss man who thinks that my being there in his office gives him certain privileges of using indecent language, suggestions and proposals that has nothing to do to work. I need a job and I know I have to be very tactful and diplomatic to stop his advances.
I use very creative and innovative strategies in order to deal with his advances but someday he would abuse his position in order to take me into a yes or no choice and I know I would say no and lose another job. I know I would find another one in order to repeat the ordeal, I am going through here. So far, a new man does not change the story as far as worked is concerned.
There are consequences of all these wars against so many low life men. My health is always bad and my mind is mostly confused and I am always ready to leave. I am worried, depressed and dejected for money, respect, honour dignity, my children and their future most of my days. The happy faces of my children and your perpetual encouragement and permanent support and my faith keep me going on. Besides, I don’t have any other option.
Then there are loads of men I come across, the tailor, the milkman, the shop keepers, the taxi men, the lawyers, the fellow workers, and the relatives. A few of them are nice and decent men but the nice and decent people have this habit of not to speak up. Their nicety and decency is limited to a private zone which they protect quite ferociously. That means whenever I am wronged, I just have to console myself with appreciating nods and the eyes requesting’ please don’t drag me into it’. I understand this selfish and useless nicety and decency and I respect it a lot but I don’t like it.
The world I live is full of unkind words for me, words like prostitute, whore, crazy, bitch and so many other derogatory words, ,the words that crush my soul, my body, my striving, my creativity and my life under the weight of a widespread mendacity initiated by the wealthy and the powerful of the city.
There are sisters in cafes and saloons and some fine place. I am quite happy for their luck and their efforts to make things better for women like me but for some reason, they don’t seem to be in touch. That is good for them. There is no need to be face to face with people like me when their existence happens to reject all those well thought theories and ideals which you love to talk about. I like the way you talk about all those theories but I don’t find them either relevant or useful to me.
Yes, those theories lead to laws and laws lead to betterment. The kind of stuff that is quite normal to places you talk about but things don’t happen like that here. A day in my life means countless lawsuits on the basis of that legislation you talk about. How on earth could I do that? And even I do that, what about the decisions? A life time spent in the jail and someday you discover the court believes you had nothing to do with that crime you have been accused of. Does that not happen quite frequently?
I think everybody knows the rot is deeper and they cannot do anything about it. That is why they go for this easy solution of exploiting the vulnerabilities of the people who even are vulnerable than them. In order to justify their cheapness, they use the kind of words that don’t justify their cheapness. But everybody has mastered this science of piety pretensions.
They just have to find the courage to respect the law first. Then, they could go for this equality before law. Haha, I was listening your chat on Greek legal development. Or they have to find the courage to accept this equality as human beings. Then, they could go for the equality before law and the respect for law. I think the word is courage about not exploiting the vulnerabilities of fellow human beings and speaking up against this widespread abuse of human life and possibilities. I hope someday they find this courage to accept the knowledge side of things.
